Of Hope and Dead Butterflies

Hope is unwelcome but when it comes it is accompanied by anxiety and nervousness.

Nervousness causes butterflies to beat their wings hard in my stomach, it’s a happy feeling for a bit, but stretch it out long enough and butterflies beating their glorious wings out in my stomach cause nausea.

If I stifle the nausea the sensation manifests as a laxative influence and if I stifle that long enough I start feeling dizzy; things go a bit blurry and then there is blackness.

The Blackness has consequences as violence typically does.

I want these butterflies to die quietly like they do in my bell jars when the air starts running out. These calm, lithe butterflies with their dark hair, their doe eyes, smooth skin…

Hope needs to be allayed.